Seven Things Never to Say to Your Toddler - Childwise by Ruth Liew

AROUND the age of 18 months, many toddlers have learned the power of the word “No” with authority.

They start showing signs of possessiveness. Parents will often hear the word “mine” or see tears rolling down their faces when they do not get their way.

After all, they are individuals who are learning to be independent. They need time to process the words they hear and understand the social behaviour they observe.

They have yet to learn social innuendos, and they get confused by what the adults say and do.

A teacher of a toddler noticed that a set of puzzles was returned to the wrong shelf. Instead of saying: “There is a set of puzzles on this shelf. It does not belong here. Let’s put it back to the place where it should be”, she remarked to the children: “Excuse me! Who put this puzzle in this shelf?”

The toddlers were oblivious to her concern. They are not able to relate to what she said.

Toddlers find questions perplexing. They cope better when you say exactly what you want them to do. They will have their questions when they become more aware of the happenings in their lives.

Here are seven things you should never say to your toddler:

1. Don’t cry 

Toddlers will cry when they are upset, hungry, angry, frustrated, sad. When they feel discomfort and unable to voice out, they will communicate their feelings and need the way they know how. Try saying “You are crying because you are ...” or “You need my help in ...” It is more comforting to a toddler when you are understanding and supportive rather than condescending.

2.  Are you ready to go? 

Toddlers do not keep time like adults do. They need time to prepare for making transitions. Prior to the scheduled time for leaving, inform your toddler what will happen in a few minutes time.

Help her to pack up to get ready. When it is time to leave, say to your child: “You are all ready to leave and go home. I am so glad we are all set.”

3.  Why do you keep doing this? I have told you so many times ...

Toddlers are naturally impulsive. They do what they like and when they like it. They like repetition. They live for the present. Say: “Remember we keep our floors dry. Stop splashing water or you will have to leave this area. Wet floors are dangerous. You can get hurt when the floors are wet.” Always repeat what is important so that your toddler can do it correctly.

4.  Share your toys with your friend. 

The concept of ownership is clear to the child but not with sharing. They are still new to this social behavior. Sharing for toddlers really mean “I am giving away to you.”  

It is best to say to your toddler “Your friend likes to play with your toys. You can play with your toys and he can also play with your toys.

5.  Stop jumping around and be quiet. 

Toddlers are active. It is practically impossible to stop being their natural selves. When the noise level gets intolerable, work out a plan that your toddler is comfortable with like “You can jump for five minutes and after that, we can read a book together.”

6.  You cannot take without asking first. Say “please”. 

Manners are learned over time. As they are older, they will start to use more social graces. Toddlers fare better with positive statements such as “Smile and say “May I?”

7.  You cannot touch this.

When you say this to your toddler, he receives a very different message. He hears only two words “touch this”. He will do exactly that and play with it. If there is something you do not want your toddler to get his hands on, remove it from his sight or distract him to do something else.

Tabiat Tidur Bayi by ENSAIKLOPEDIA PETUA MELAYU LAMA

Biasanya bayi yang baru dilahirkan sering terjaga daripada tidur pada waktu malam. Ia sesuatu yang normal, tetapi menjelang usianya 6 bulan, ada bayi yang boleh tidur lena sepanjang malam tetapi ada yang terjaga dan perlu ditidurkan semula.  Tidur bagi bayi adalah sebahagian penting dalam proses tumbesarannya. Tidur waktu malam sangat penting kepada bayi kerana mereka akan lebih riang dan tenang pada waktu pagi. Jika terganggu walaupun sekejap atau secara berterusan dan bertambah pada setiap malam mungkin boleh menjejaskan fungsi otak. Oleh itu, sangat penting untuk memastikan persekitaran tidur yang kondusif supaya bayi mendapat kualiti tidur yang diperlukan. Pun begitu, keperluan tidur antara seorang bayi dengan yang lain tidak sama.

Tidur bayi baru lahir hingga berusia 3 bulan

Bayi dalam lingkungan usia ini memerlukan tidur antara 16 hingga 20 jam sehari dalam jangka masa antara satu setengah jam hingga lima atau enam jam setiap kali pada siang hari. Ketika ini, waktu makan dan tidurnya akan bersilang. Ada bayi yang tidur sepanjang malam apabila mereka berusia empat atau enam minggu tetapi itu bukan kebiasaannya. 

Tiga hingga enam bulan

Daripada usia tiga hingga 12 bulan ke atas, bayi akan tidur antara 14 hingga 15 jam secara keseluruhannya. Mereka cenderung untuk tidur antara enam hingga lapan jam pada waktu malam dan akan terjaga sekurang-kurangnya sekali dalam tempoh waktu itu dan perlu ditenangkan, disusui sebelum dia tidur kembali.  Bayi akan tidur sekejap (nap) antara sejam hingga dua jam pada waktu pagi, tengah hari dan petang.

Enam hingga 12 bulan

Kanak-kanak dalam usia ini selalunya tidur sekejap, iaitu dua kali dalam tempoh tiga hingga empat jam dan akan tidur untuk 11 jam pada waktu malam. Jika mereka tidur selama 12 jam pada waktu malam, adalah mencukupi mereka tidur sekejap untuk sejam ketika waktu pagi dan petang.

Satu hingga tiga tahun

Selalunya mereka tidak lagi tidur sekejap pada waktu pagi. Waktu petang pula mereka juga akan tidur sekejap dan selalunya bertahan untuk tiga jam saja. Jumlah masa tidur mereka yang diperlukan ialah antara 10 hingga 13 jam tetapi faktor lain selalunya mengganggu kualiti masa tidur mereka seperti menggigau atau sakit gigi.

Tiga hingga 12 tahun

Pada usia ini tidur sekejap jarang dilakukan dan jangka masa tidur pada waktu malam juga menurun sehingga 12 jam untuk kanak-kanak pra sekolah manakala 10 jam untuk kanak-kanak pra remaja.

Refleksi 2: As-Solah is the pillar of Islam

Practical Tips on Getting Your Little Loved Ones to Make and Enjoy Solah - By Maysoon Zaza

In a hadeeth narrated by Abdullah ibn Qart the Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "The first act that the servant of Allah will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be SOLAH. If it is good, then the rest of his acts will be good. And if it is evil, then the rest of his acts will be evil." (Tabarani)

Furthermore, Solah was the first act of worship that was made obligatory by Allah. Therefore, due to its extreme importance to the Believer, solah should be one of the first acts of worship that parents should teach their children.

When discussing teaching children how to make solah parents typically ask when is it necessary to begin teaching their children. Let us be realistic; learning how to make solah is not easy for children or in some cases adults. It can take a lot of work to master even the simplest elements of solah. The learner must memorize the various du'aa and Surah's of the Qur'an- not to mention the other required portions of the solah. Furthermore, there must be work on proper pronunciation and rules on how, when, and what makes solah valid. This is not an overnight process but rather one that takes times. Therefore, this leaves us with the question- When should children learn how to make solah?

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As, narrated that the Apostle of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "Command your children to make solah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (solah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately."

(Abu Dawud).

This does not mean that parents can only start teaching their children how to perform it when they reach the age of seven. Rather, informal instruction should start when a child starts to show an interest in solah, which usually occurs around the age of two. It is only human nature that children love to imitate their parents. In fact, this is one method that Allah has provided us for teaching our youth.

Therefore, it is important for parents of small children to let them "pretend" to make the solah along side of the parents. The benefits for this are twofold. First, teaches children that it is necessary to make solah everyday five times a day. And second, it helps children learn the physical movements of the solah. It really is amazing how fast a two-year-old will learn the phrase Allahu-Akbar when he performs solah along side of his parents!

The next step is to teach your child al-Fatihah. This should begin around the age of three or four. When teaching children Surah's or any other portions of the solah that must be memorized; it is important to remember to break down the instructions by using a reasonable number of verses or small segments. In other words, teaching a child how to perform the solah should be done progressively in small steps. It is important to practice reciting the previously learned material consistently everyday along with any new material. These practice sessions should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age, length of practice is not as important as consistency. Also, it is important to note that not everyday will your child be ready to learn new material. Work on mastery of material not quantity. The other question many parents ask is whether or not to teach Surah's using Tajweed. Actually, many parents find it helpful to combine the two. Children have an amazing ability to remember songs in commercials or various children's song. For many children, the act of singing actually makes it easier to memorize. However, at this age it is important not to focus on the rules of recitation but rather on the content.

While the presence of a teacher or parent teaching children the proper method of making solah can not be underestimated, many parents find supplemental materials helpful in teaching their children how to make solah. Every year new educational products are being introduced into the Muslim market. Today, Muslim parents have available coloring books, storybooks, developmentally appropriate teaching videotapes, audio tapes, and computer programs to enhance the learning process. Generally children learn new tasks best if teaching material is presented in a variety of formats. The use of such material will only help increase the speed and amount of learning for your child not to mention that it will make the experience more enjoyable.

Lastly, one of the most important aspects of successful teaching is praise and encouragement. Remember that children like to please their parents. Also, it is really important that parents praise and celebrate their children's accomplishments. This is especially true for learning how to make solah. After the mastery of a section, children typically feel a strong sense of achievement. Praise motivates the child to continue to learn and accomplish new goals.

Published in Al-Jumuah magazine. 

DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONE: TALKING By Sarah Henry

Talking: What to expect when

At this age, your child's sentences should be smooth, clear, and pop out easily with no apparent effort. Five-year-olds can tell you what happened, describe people in detail, and ask questions clearly. A kindergartner can explain what you do with common objects, talk in complex sentences that often run together, and use past, present, and future tenses of verbs, such as "sit," "sitting," "sits," "sat," and "will sit." She should be able to recall and repeat about eight words, and comfortably listen to stories, conversations, and movies.

What you'll hear

Your child should have a good grasp of language by now. Some things to listen for:

Pronunciation: Her speech should be easy to understand by now. Some 5-year-olds, though, still mangle three- or four-syllable words — "manimal" for "animal" or "pasghetti" for "spaghetti" — and that's nothing to worry about. And some kids still struggle with a few tricky consonant sounds. For instance, she may say a w or a y for an l, such as "yeg" instead of "leg," or use w for r, such as "wabbit" instead of "rabbit," or substitute an f for a th, such as "baf" instead of "bath." These minor pronunciation problems will probably improve over the next year or so and are usually no cause for concern.

Lisping: Your child may lisp, or pronounce the s sound like a th. "My sister is seven" becomes "My thithter ith theven." If your child's s sounds this way, chances are you needn't be alarmed. Many children do it, and most outgrow it with no intervention by age 7.

Stuttering: While it can cause parents concern, stuttering at this age is a normal developmental phase that many children go through. Your child is coming to the close of a great leap in her language skills, so it's natural that she may have some difficulty putting her sentences together fluently. (Before every leap forward, there is typically a period of disintegration, followed by integration of the new skills.) Her rapidly developing brain is trying to pull up the right words in the right order. She may repeat the whole word or first syllable (not just the first sound); this is what most people think of when they think of stuttering. You may notice your child stutters more when she is tired, excited, or upset. Most kids outgrow this phase by age 5 or 6.

What you can do

Reading to — and with — your child is a great way to boost her language skills. Books help a child add words to her vocabulary, make sense of grammar, and link meanings to pictures, says Desmond Kelly, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician who works with children with learning and language difficulties at the All Kinds of Minds Institute in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Likewise, simply talking with your child helps. Many parents find mealtimes and bedtimes are a great chance for talking. These may be the only pauses in a busy day when you have a chance to chat with and really listen to your kids.

When your kindergartner does stumble over long words, resist the urge to correct her speech. Instead, model the right pronunciation of these tongue twisters when it's your turn to talk. For instance, say: "Yes, we're having spaghetti for dinner" instead of "It's 'spaghetti,' not 'pasghetti!'"

You can also take steps at home to help a child who stutters. Keep your voice soft and relaxed, your speech slow — think Mr. Rogers. Don't tell your daughter to slow down, though, you should simply listen and wait for her to finish her sentence or story. Maintain eye contact, smile, and be patient. If you turn away and act hurried, your child will feel pressure to "get it out," and this will only make her stuttering worse. Allow your child to express her frustration or embarrassment. She may say: "I can't say it. It won't come out." Acknowledge her feelings by saying: "I understand how frustrating that must be."

If your child lisps, pop a straw in her drinks. This kind of sucking motion promotes good oral-motor strength, which is important in language development. Encourage play activities that improve oral-motor strength. Have your child blow into a party horn that has a small, round mouthpiece. This is a good exercise because the effort needed to make a solid sound also strengthens the lips and cheek muscles, and tends to push the tongue back in. Blowing bubbles is another good exercise. Or have your child look in a mirror and practice putting her teeth together while she makes an s sound. This exercise can help her remember to keep her tongue behind her teeth. If she gets frustrated or upset practicing this routine, let it go — there's no point in making her self-conscious about something she'll probably outgrow on her own. Finally, encourage her to blow her nose. Stuffy nasal passages are sometimes the culprit behind lisping.

Petua untuk Anak Cepat Bercakap

a. Anda perlu selalu berkomunikasi dan berinteraksi dengan anak-anak dari usia mereka masih bayi atau ketika mereka masih belum lagi pandai bercakap.

b. Gunakan ayat yang pendek dan mudah. Apabila anda mahu menerangkan sesuatu kepada anak anda, pastikan ada ruang (pause) antara satu ayat dengan yang lain supaya anak anda berpeluang untuk memberi maklum atau tindak balas.

c. Mimik muka anda semasa bercakap amat penting. Ia mestilah bersesuaian apabila menyampaikan sesuatu maksud perkataan atau ayat.

d. Selalu membacakan buku untuk anak dan meluangkan masa bercerita kepada anak.

e. Dedahkan anak  anda kepada interaksi sosial kerana dengan cara ini anda memberi peluang kepadanya mendengar perbualan di samping berjumpa dengan orang yang baru dikenali.

f. Anda mesti menjadi pendengar yang baik dan berusaha memberi perhatian serta cuba memahami apa yang disampaikan anak anda. Jika apa yang disebutnya tidak jelas, anda mesti bantunya dengan menyebut beberapa perkataan yang anda rasa mungkin itulah yang cuba disebutkan oleh anak anda.

g. Amalkan selalu menyanyi bersama-sama anak atau bercerita kepadanya.

MERANGSANG ANAK BERCAKAP

1.  Selagi mana anak boleh menggunakan beberapa patah perkataan, menggunakan bahasa isyarat untuk berkomunikasi, dan memahami arahan mudah, maka boleh dikatakan perkembangan bahasa mereka adalah normal. Apa yang boleh dilakukan untuk mempercepatkan atau meransang perkembangan bahasa anak? Pertama, perbanyakkan berbual dengan mereka, membacakan cerita kepada mereka, bertanya kepada mereka, cuba minta mereka bercakap.

2.  Sekiranya mereka sudah mula bercakap satu perkataan, ulang kembali apa yang mereka sebut dalam ayat yang sempurna. Contohnya, apabila anak menyebut “nak”, tanyakan kembali “Muhammad, nak apa? Nak susu? Nak mainan?”. Atau apabila dia sebut “bola”, ulang kembali “Muhammad nak main bola?”. Jadikan ianya kebiasaan.

3.  Jangan sekali kali memaksa mereka bercakap dan jangan menunjukkan kekecewaan kerana mereka masih belum mampu bercakap. Ingat, bahasa yang pertama sekali anak belajar adalah bahasa emosi dan memek muka. Mereka lebih mahir membaca perasaan berbanding perkataan.

Anak Lewat Bercakap

Lewat bercakap boleh disebabkan beberapa masalah:

1.  Kebolehan bercakap (ada masalah pada korda suara dan lidah)

2.  Kemasukan percakapan (masalah pendengaran)

3.  Pemprosesan percakapan (masalah pada otak atau gangguan perkembangan pertuturan)

2 Jenis Masalah Lambat Bercakap:

 1. Kelewatan Ekspresif (kesusahan menggunakan percakapan untuk meminta atau berinteraksi)

 2. Kelewatan Reseptif (sukar menafsir atau memahami percakapan orang).

Jika diberikan rawatan awal (terapi pertuturan), kebanyakan kanak-kanak boleh bertutur dengan baik apabila masuk sekolah. Sesetengah kanak-kanak yang menunjukkan tanda kelewatan ekspresif hanya lambat bercakap dan kelewatan tersusun iaitu perkembangan pertuturan berlaku secara berperingkat. Perkembangan pertuturan dan penguasaan bahasa kanak-kanak ini akan menjadi normal dengan peningkatan umur tanpa sebarang rawatan. Malangnya sehingga kini tiada kaedah membezakan atau menentukan sama ada seseorang kanak-kanak mengalami kelewatan tersusun yang boleh bertutur dengan peningkatan umur dengan kanak-kanak yang memerlukan terapi.

Masalah Pendengaran – Masalah pendengaran juga boleh menyebabkan kanak-kanak lewat bercakap. Justeru, kanak-kanak yang disyaki mengalami masalah ini perlu dibawa menjalani ujian pendengaran. Jangan anggap mereka boleh mendengar hanya kerana kanak-kanak ini menunjukkan tindak balas kepada bunyi tepukan yang kuat, loceng atau datang apabila dipanggil dari bilik sebelah. Punca lain kelewatan bercakap termasuk masalah membabitkan otak seperti terencat akal dan autisme. Selain kelewatan ekspresif dan reseptif, perkembangan kemahiran bahasa visual (mengenali objek, bertindak balas terhadap mimik muka, mematuhi arahan dengan ditunjukkan pergerakan tangan) juga lambat.

Kronologi Percakapan Anak

1. Bayi baru lahir — Boleh mendengar dan membezakan sama ada bunyi datang dari kiri atau kanan. Mereka akan menggerakkan kepala ke arah sumber bunyi. Bayi anda juga sepatutnya boleh memberi tindak balas kepada bunyi perlahan. Bayi mula senyum dan menunjukkan gerak balas kepada seseorang pada umur sebulan dan mengenali suara ibu bapa pada umur satu hingga 2½ bulan

• 3 hingga 6 bulan — Bayi boleh meniru bunyi percakapan
• 4 hingga 8 bulan — Bayi menyebut satu suku kata (contoh ba, da, ga, gu)
• 5 hingga 9 bulan — Bayi menyebut beberapa suku kata berulang-ulang (contoh bababa, lalala)
• 6 hingga 10 bulan — Bayi mula menyebut perkataan mudah yang kerap didengar (emak, ayah, tak)
• 5 hingga 10 bulan — Kebanyakan bayi boleh menyebut mama, dada — yang tidak hanya merujuk kepada ibu dan ayahnya
• 6 hingga 9 bulan — Kebanyakan bayi boleh mengikut atau mematuhi arahan pendek yang disertakan dengan pergerakan badan atau tangan. Contohnya meminta dia memegang objek atau tangan anda. Dalam lingkungan umur tujuh hingga 11 bulan, bayi sepatutnya boleh mematuhi arahan ringkas tanpa perlu ditunjuk dengan tangan
• 7 hingga 12 bulan — Sudah pandai menggunakan perkataan mama, emak atau ayah dengan betul
• 9 hingga 14 bulan — Biasanya sudah boleh menyebut satu patah perkataan (selain emak, ayah)
• 10 hingga 15 bulan — Sepatutnya bayi boleh menunjuk ke arah objek yang dikehendakinya
• 11 hingga 20 bulan — Anak anda seharusnya boleh menyebut empat hingga enam perkataan (selain emak, ayah atau nama adik beradik)
• 14 hingga 21 bulan — Si kecil boleh mematuhi arahan dua langkah tanpa bantuan pergerakan tangan (contoh ‘Duduk di sini dan makan’). Pada umur 14 hingga 18 bulan, dia seharusnya boleh menunjukkan dua atau lebih anggota badan dan meningkat kepada enam anggota badan pada umur 22 bulan
• 16 hingga 20 bulan — Kanak-kanak boleh menyuarakan kehendaknya dalam satu perkataan (jus, susu, lagi, banyak)
• 18 hingga 22 bulan — Si kecil sudah boleh menggabungkan dua perkataan atau ayat mudah seperti ‘hendak susu’ atau ‘mahu lagi’
• 16 hingga 24 bulan — Kanak-kanak seharusnya sudah boleh menguasai lebih 50 patah perkataan
• 19 hingga 26 bulan — Menggunakan perkataan saya, awak walaupun kadangkala terbalik. Kebanyakan kanak-kanak boleh menyebut perkataan dengan baik apabila berumur 30 bulan
• 24 bulan — Percakapannya boleh difahami separuh oleh orang lain atau individu yang jarang berjumpa kanak-kanak berkenaan
• 24 hingga 32 bulan — Boleh menamakan empat gambar
• 26 hingga 32 bulan — Boleh bercakap dalam dua hingga tiga ayat mudah
• 27 hingga 34 bulan — Boleh memahami dua arahan dalam satu ayat contohnya ‘Letak cawan di atas meja atau sebelah buku’
• 29 hingga 34 bulan — Boleh menamakan dan kegunaan sekurang-kurangnya dua objek. Kanak-kanak seharusnya boleh mengenali satu warna pada umur 2½ hingga 3¼ tahun dan empat warna pada umur tiga hingga 4½ tahun
• 3 tahun — Hampir 75 peratus pertuturannya boleh difahami orang yang jarang bertemu kanak-kanak ini. Pada umur ini mereka boleh menguasai lebih 250 perkataan. Pada umur empat tahun, percakapannya seharusnya boleh difahami sepenuhnya dan mampu menguasai 600 perkataan. Saringan pendengaran boleh dilakukan pakar kanak-kanak melalui satu ujian mudah (audimetri) apabila mereka boleh memberi kerjasama (biasanya selepas umur empat tahun). Kanak-kanak (dari dilahirkan hingga empat tahun) perlu berjumpa pakar pendengaran untuk ujian selanjutnya. Jika anda fikir anak anda lewat bercakap, bawa si kecil untuk jalani ujian pendengaran. Pada masa sama kanak-kanak yang ada masalah lewat bercakap juga perlu dirujuk kepada pakar terapi pertuturan atau pakar psikologi jika perlu secepat mungkin.Pada masa sama ibu bapa juga boleh membantu meningkatkan percakapan anak dengan:
• Membaca buku kepada anak, terutama buku bergambar di mana anda boleh mengajaknya untuk menunjuk atau menamakan objek
• Gunakan bahasa mudah apabila bercakap dengan anak, dibantu dengan gerak badan atau tangan. Tanya banyak soalan kepada anak. Pastikan anda ‘bercakap’ dengan si kecil dan bukan memberi arahan
• Beri tindak balas segera apabila anak bercakap untuk memberi dorongan kepadanya
• Ulang perkataan atau ayat anak anda dengan menambah beberapa perkataan lagi bagi memanjangkan ayat berkenaan
• Sabar melayan anak dan jangan marah jika dia melakukan kesilapan. Beri masa untuk anak menghabiskan ayatnya. Jangan paksa anak anda untuk bercakap.