When I was in secondary school, a new girl from another town named Aminah came and joined the class. The majority of my classmates were Chinese and Malays, a few were Indians. We had monthly tests and there was stiff competition between the three races in all subjects. The Malays were better in some subjects and the Chinese and Indians in other subjects.
But one subject in which the Malays had difficulty to beat the Chinese and Indians was English. The reason was that, many of the Chinese and Indians not only had well-educated parents who spoke good English at home but also had personal tutors.
For the Fifth Year final exam however, out of the blue, I scored high marks for both English papers. When I showed Aminah my exam papers, her reaction wasn’t what I expected. Instead of being envious, she gave me a broad smile and exclaimed, “Wow! You beat the Chinese and the Indians!” I remember feeling happy but puzzled at the same time. I thought, “She’s happy for me?” But the greatest shock came seconds later, when she showed me her results. Her marks were good but way below mine. I was at a lost for words. How could she be so happy when I was better than her?
At that moment, I knew that I had found a gem of a friend, a true friend, a rare find. My respect for her took a quantum leap and from then on, she always had been someone I looked up to until today. This was truly a lesson on SINCERITY, how a sincere friend behaves towards another, something entirely new to me. Until then, I thought it was completely normal and expected for someone to be jealous and envious of everyone else. Be happy if someone is doing well, but certainly not when she’s doing way better than you. How blessed I was to have met and known a person like her!
SINCERITY LEADS TO SERENITY. INSINCERITY LEADS TO MISERY
As parents, teachers or educators, did you know that throughout the world, suicide rates and mental illnesses like depression among youths are on the rise? One main reason this happens is because youths are not finding serenity in their lives. Broken relationships, broken families, looking for tranquillity in drugs and sex and other unhealthy sources just brought them to disappointment after disappointment, a life full of misery, a brick wall, a dead end.
In Islam, sincerity is the basis for all our thoughts and actions. It means everything we do must be for the sake of pleasing Allah The Most Merciful. Let’s pause here and reflect: Why would Allah want us to do that? Why would He want us to devote our life to pleasing Him when He is The Most Powerful? The answer is: Because Allah The Most Beneficient knows being sincere guarantees our well-being. Simply said, doing things sincerely for the sake of Allah is the real key to happiness.
Not too long ago, I attended the Heart Purification Seminar organised by AlKauthar Institute (http://www.alkauthar.org) taught by Shaykh Abu Abdissalam. In the notes were these words:
“When you put your hopes for love, praise, success, happiness and recognition in the people, you will walk away disappointed with a broken heart. It is only when you put this hope in Allah will your heart and soul find peace, relief and pleasure. In the Quran, Allah says: “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” [13: 28]
To me, the above verse succinctly describes the essence of why we need to be sincere. It is the foundation, the only way for a human being to be truly happy.
Parents, teachers, educators need to bear this in mind. If you want the kids you parent, manage and lead to be truly happy, teach them to be sincere, to do things for the sake of Allah and Allah alone. By default, negative emotions like misplaced envy, jealousy, greed, arrogance and hatred will disappear and take care of themselves once you are sincere.
SIMPLE WAYS TO TEACH KIDS TO BE SINCERE
Being sincere also means not to be pretentious, to mean what you say and say what you mean, to be true to yourself and others and to admit your shortcomings. Insincerity cripples you. Just imagine if you’re not sincere. How can you admit your faults, how can you become a better person? Not being sincere means being deceptive to yourself and to others. It hinders you from being the great person you can and deserve to be. And you can’t expect your kids to learn how to be sincere when you aren’t sincere yourself!
Simple ways to teach your kids to be sincere:
1. Burn it into their minds. Repetition is part of the trick. It’s an easy way to remind your kids to be sincere, again and again. When you drop your kids off to school every day or when they’re about to leave for school, remind them “Be sincere in what you do.” And then ask them: “Why do you need to be sincere?” Then say “Because it’s THE ONLY WAY for your heart to be serene. If you’re not sincere, all your efforts are in vain because Allah won’t accept them - Period.” Pretty soon they’ll be saying these words and repeating after you. Don’t stop.
2. Don’t shift the blame. Be truthful to yourself and others. Admit your mistakes. Never think it’s beneath you to say sorry, even to your subordinates, kids, neighbours and friends. Ask “What can I do about this? How can I correct the wrong that I have done?”
3. Don’t expect anything in return when you do a good deed. This is especially true when the person you helped did not return your kindness or worse, treat you in an unbecoming manner. Be assured that Allah will reward you for the good that you have sincerely done.
4. Be happy when someone is doing better than you. Yup! Just like my friend, Aminah, show to your kids that you’re happy when a friend, neighbour, relative or sibling earns more and have more than you. Pray for their continued health, wealth and happiness, apart from yours and your family, too. Do not let misplaced envy, greed and jealousy get the better of you.
More recently, I attended another course entitled A HEART SERENE organised by AlMaghrib Insitute (http://almaghrib.org) taught by Shaykh Riad Ouarzazi. To quote from his notes on “Some Signs of Sincerity”:
• To have good intentions before starting a task
• To perfect one’s duty in private and in public
• To welcome advice from friends
• To be constantly mindful of one’s shortcomings
• To feel that your contribution is minimal compared to others
• And more …
By the way, if you’re wondering what happened to my good friend, Aminah, she’s now a successful pediatric psychiatrist. A pediatric psychiatrist is a doctor who specialises in helping children with psychological and mental illnesses. I can imagine her sitting on a chair right now, greeting all the kids who seek her help with that bright smile of hers, with the same sincerity she taught me. I can’t think of someone better to do the job, can you?
Graphic source: Google.com
Columnist Biodata
Jamilah Samian is a Certified Professional Trainer (CPT), an accreditation she earned from the Malaysian Institute of Management (MIM). She is also a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner registered with the American Board of NLP. Jamilah is the author of COOL MUM SUPER DAD, COOL BOYS SUPER SONS and THE GROOVY GUIDE TO GEN Y AND Z. Check out her website at http://coolmumsuperdad.com
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